CTFD Parenting

Love. Love. Love it

No, I didn't read the comments, but you're so right.

Right away, this one jumps right in your face:

mamabigdog
David Vienna
7/17/13 8:34pm

What is the proper response upon learning one's child is addicted to heroin? Really, since our responses are the only thing we can control, are you saying that a lackadaisical response is best in this situation as well? And if you have not walked a mile in these shoes, don't even bother to respond.



Followed by the completely appropriate:

JaniceWaffle
mamabigdog
7/18/13 10:26pm

Calm the fuck down.



And then this happens:

sincerityisthenewirony
JaniceWaffle
9/03/13 12:32pm

No, the proper response to learning your child has become addicted to heroin is not "calm the fuck down." If you think that's the response, I hope you're just coming from a place of ignorance and not cruelty. After living through having an addict brother struggle for years with rehab and relapses, and finally alcoholism and death, I believe the proper response is, "get a good psychologist" and "start networking with other folks with addict family members right away." You'll need the support; your kid will need you to be sane enough to help him/her deal with his/her addiction. This is a problem that does not go away. It lingers, and it waxes and wanes, and its ongoing presence in one's life is confused by the excellent lying skills conferred by heroin on the addict. I think the only answer is to love, love, love the addict, but without ever enabling the addiction. Addicts need to hear they are loved, that they are valued, that they are sick, that they are strong enough to work to move beyond their sickness. The families of addicts need to hear they are not alone, that others have walked in their shoes. They do not need to be told to "calm the fuck down."



JaniceWaffle
sincerityisthenewirony
9/03/13 2:19pm

Wow, does sanctimony breed sanctimony around here. Want to know why I said what I said? Because on the internet, everyone is a special case. This article was not about having a child who is addicted to heroin, and yet mamabigdog made it ALLLLLL about her and her special case. Is "learning one's child is addicted to heroin" a typical parenting scenario? God, I hope not. And yet for every piece of advice out there that applies to 99.8% of the population, the .02% comes charging out screaming, "You don't know me, you don't understand my unique situation!!!!"

My husband is a recovering addict. I know all too well that you can't save an addict from himself. However, I think parents of addicts frequently go into self-blame overdrive and make some really crappy decisions in how they deal with their addict child. They overcompensate with gifts and money and "help," and then pull back when the addict is dependent on them again. So maybe the answer really is to Calm The Fuck Down.

I love comment sections. I have taken to skipping articles and just reading comments

That was an amazing article.