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Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 10, 2015 19:50:04 GMT -7
I have been focusing on the positive today. Like the fact that at a very over crowded trunk or treat on a horribly rainy Halloween my three girls received silver dollars from the pastor... For "being some of the only children who told every single booth thank you for their treats... That is excellent home training"
I'm am not a failure as a parent. At least I get some shit right
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Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 10, 2015 20:52:57 GMT -7
A friend of mine (who has a daughter who used to be in my class) also texted me today (she's the one who commented on my post today) to tell me that she was viscerally angry at the way "the relatives" responded to me yesterday and made my husband and I out to be lazy parents who clearly spare the rod.
She said "I've seen you simply raise that eyebrow and all three of your girls say "yes ma'am" in unison, your oldest is possibly one of my favorite people on the planet including most grown ups I know because she's well spoken without being disrespectful, and your two little ones will sit quietly in a stand full of insanely hyper children and actually watch their brother march on a football field after you simply ask them "why are we here tonight".. Whichever bitch said your kids don't respect you and that you can't control them needs to get their pen and take some notes. Because anyone who has seen you in action sure the hell is."
I told her that was overkill. But it did give me a confidence boost. I cried myself to sleep last night. So I can honestly say I needed to be told I'm not an awful mom today.
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Post by ronin on Nov 10, 2015 21:16:59 GMT -7
You've got your head screwed on right, Hangers. Spanking isn't going to solve that problem. It's an unfortunate thing when kids don't understand the value of the things around them. Not to excuse the behavior, but they very literally don't know, because they don't yet have the life experience needed to grasp the concept.
A few weeks ago I was fuming over a wall that my daughter flagrantly ruined. You all stepped up when I wasn't sure what to do with her. I took her to Lowes where we bought paint and painting supplies. I showed her the total on the receipt and counted out all the money from her piggy bank. She fell $4.00 short, so I made her work until I ran out of ideas to make up the difference. Her dad needs to do putty work to patch the holes, but she's going to be there when he does it. I'm supervising her while she preps and paints.
It hit home with me, that her money has come to her through a lot of little odds and ends chores over an extended period of time, so she's out of touch with the total of all the work that she's had to do to make up that sum. She also is excited that she "gets" to paint the wall (FML). I hope that this turns into one of those lessons that clicks later on, because this feels like kind of a fail.
In the meantime, I know she's going to wreck more shit because my child doesn't yet understand an adult concept. She is learning. We are teaching her. She's just not there yet.
Stay patient with your babies that their lessons will eventually stick with them. It's hard to teach a kid why things need to be valued while simultaneously driving home the message that possessions aren't all that important. Maddening crap for an adult...deep diving for kids. They'll learn.
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Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 10, 2015 21:34:02 GMT -7
Well. We had a talk last night that I THINK at least hit home with L.
I asked them if they liked that daddy was never home because he had to work so hard. (Obviously the answer was no, we don't like that at all)
I broke it down in terms they could understand. The shoe rack they tore up? = one hour of daddy at work. The dressers they destroyed? That's a full day. Each. The clothes we bought them for school? That's a full day. Each. Their soccer gear and soccer club fees? A full week. Each. I told them daddy likes buying them things they need, but they really hurt his feelings when they tell him they would rather he stay at work constantly because he's constantly having to replace things they actually need (like clothing) because they can't take care of it.
L got misty and said "so if we don't tear up our stuff daddy won't have to be gone so much?" I said well, not necessarily. But it certainly would hurt his feelings less and make him happier to come home and not see his hard work all over the bedroom floor covered in marker. Don't ya think?
One of them.. I THINK .. Is catching on. I got zero argument about sweeping up the floor after dinner and putting dirty clothes in the hamper after bath. So that's progress.
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