|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 9, 2015 17:33:56 GMT -7
Of wines is it I'm allowed to have again.
I fucking quit today. Today can blow me. Wine required.
|
|
|
|
Post by KyLady on Nov 9, 2015 18:36:53 GMT -7
Juice in a wine glass? Sometimes I just wanted to hold the pretty grown up glass. Better yet, use all the money you've not spent on wine and get a cleaning service, or a massage If that's too pricey, duct tape the kids??  |
|
|
|
Post by smokinghorse on Nov 9, 2015 20:22:24 GMT -7
She can't duct tape them until they're done cleaning. But that may take years...
I really do think it's partly an age thing. I remember researching mission opportunities. Like, for seriousness, to Haiti. I also did the whole, 'take everything away'. But I ended up giving them their stuff back after they cleaned. Then I got wise, and made them earn their shit back one item at a time. If it landed on the floor again? Gone. I'd haul them to goodwill and make them donate it. Which actually taught me a lesson. They were too young for me to be buying them anything pricey. And I was part of the problem, because I couldn't follow through with donating things that cost good money.
Be strong, lady. You can outlast them - they don't know what they're up against. Also, there's a shit-ton of research that a glass of wine may even be (gasp!) good for pregnant women. Cheers!
|
|
|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 9, 2015 21:26:17 GMT -7
Thanks y'all. I just feel very .... Defeated today.
Like... So tired of this exact same scenario over and over. It's exhausting. As is ignoring the idiotic relatives (of my husband) who seem to think you can solve all parenting issues with a belt. We've tried spanking for this offense. It's not effective. And we save it for major offenses as we always have so that it continues to carry weight as "the worst " possible punishment. I'm not... As one of his idiotic cousins pm'd me to suggest... Ever going to follow them around with an implement and beat them where it lands every time they fall off task. I want them to appreciate their life not hate their mother. Sheesh. There is a huge discipline between discipline and abuse. And everything that was suggested to me in that regards was abusive in my opinion today. I was legit looking for advice on teaching gratitude. Apparently in his family...it gets beaten into you? It literally just made me feel... Ten times worse.
|
|
|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 9, 2015 21:26:51 GMT -7
*line ..discipline twice? I'm tired
|
|
|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 9, 2015 21:33:35 GMT -7
My sister in law saw pictures of the room and threatened to come over and whip them for me. Since they "clearly can't behave for you when daddy is out of town"
Apparently not fucking my children up physically means they don't respect me? They get spanked just not for everything... I'm just very confused. How do I parent a situation like this. My parents would have done all the stuff ive tried already. Husband's would have beaten the fuck out of him.
What's the happy medium?!?
|
|
|
|
Post by smokinghorse on Nov 9, 2015 22:04:05 GMT -7
I hear you. We actually spanked the older ones very occasionally. But I didn't like it. I felt like it was about my frustration rather than teaching them. I remember once Amara and Eli asked me why we never spanked Gram. I couldn't explain with words, so I just looked at them and said, "Don't hit people!" And then I hit them. They both were like, "Oh, yeah, I get it."
Sometimes, though, I'll be around a kid who is just crazy disrespectful, and I find myself thinking, "That kid needs to be turned over somebody's knee. Like yesterday.". I try to remind myself that that family has their own story and I've got no business judging. I try.
Every parenting success story with my kids involved giving them choices. Don't wanna? Ok. Your choice. Food? Absolutely. I will validate your feelings. Yes, I bet you ARE hungry. But you chose not to eat. If you'd like to choose again, and do what you need to do to get dinner, let me know!
|
|
|
|
Post by KyLady on Nov 9, 2015 22:50:12 GMT -7
I don't know how to help you.
But I am totally drinking a second whiskey tonight in your honour!
I actually had a big long post written out comparing your challenges with my challenges and the benefits of guilt and sarcasm in parenting and how week long lectures are more painful than spankings, but I deleted it.
None of that mattered.
What matters is that I drink this whiskey for you (pretend it's wine), and you virtual hugs, and remind you that even though this feels like the biggest issue in the world right now, in ten years you'll look back fondly on how easy life was at this time.
Your kids are loved and well cared for! You not only try your best, but I've seen how far above and beyond you go. Your kids have pretty much no choice but to turn out into decent, well rounded, civilized human beings.
The fact that you have to live through the butthole years while they figure that out, is the reason why alcohol exists.
|
|
kissy
OG
I want a new drug...
Posts: 855 
|
Post by kissy on Nov 10, 2015 9:17:16 GMT -7
What smokey and Ky said. I don't know that anyone can give you an 'answer' as to how to deal with this issue. I was lucky and ry never drew on walls, I'm not sure why that is because it seems like a norm for kids. I have made him watch episodes of hoarders with me and he's seen what can happen if we don't pick up after ourselves and clean. He still thinks that me and his dad are responsible for those things however in the last couple of weeks he's taken it upon himself to clean up his playroom, get himself dressed and ready, and fed his fish all without being asked.
I still believe that consistency is key and backing up what you say as well. I couldn't begin to imagine how I'd do it in your particular situation but I gather that you're probably doing it a lot better than I would! Give yourself a break and don't sweat the small stuff. Big hugs!
|
|
|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 10, 2015 13:00:02 GMT -7
I hear you. We actually spanked the older ones very occasionally. But I didn't like it. I felt like it was about my frustration rather than teaching them. I remember once Amara and Eli asked me why we never spanked Gram. I couldn't explain with words, so I just looked at them and said, "Don't hit people!" And then I hit them. They both were like, "Oh, yeah, I get it." Sometimes, though, I'll be around a kid who is just crazy disrespectful, and I find myself thinking, "That kid needs to be turned over somebody's knee. Like yesterday.". I try to remind myself that that family has their own story and I've got no business judging. I try. Every parenting success story with my kids involved giving them choices. Don't wanna? Ok. Your choice. Food? Absolutely. I will validate your feelings. Yes, I bet you ARE hungry. But you chose not to eat. If you'd like to choose again, and do what you need to do to get dinner, let me know! I'm big on giving "choices" that will basically either drive home my point or get me my way. (All about that psychological trickery) What blew my mind yesterday was apparently that room? Makes them "bad children" who "don't respect me" I'm sorry. But my kids are flat fucking angelic in public nine times out of ten. I suffer NO bullshit in that respect. You will behave. Period. We do not do hissy fits, we do not run around crazy in stores and restaurants, we use our goddamn manners and say please and thank you and excuse me. Other than occasionally being chatty Cathy's my girls never get in trouble at school (which in..G's case? Is a fucking miracle. Her temper worries me Lol) but they know. At home. They fight. They are siblings. If they didn't trash their bedroom? I would honestly have NOTHING to complain about as a parent. So having an in law tell me she was coming over to parent for me since "clearly daddy wears the pants around there" just pissed me off....and I almost hauled off and told her that my nephew, her child? Is by far and away one of the most rude and inconsiderate ill mannered children I've ever met in my life. To the point we used to dote on him and BOTH go out of the way to ignore him as he doesn't speak to us unless he's forced to now. "Tell chichi and tio thank you for your birthday gift" "thank you for the part I liked? Can they take the part I didnt like back and get me something else?" Just. Lots of emotions yesterday. To where Penny and I played hooky from life today and curled up and the alternated TV with naps. Because... Like fuck the rest. There is paw patrol. |
|
|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 10, 2015 13:19:25 GMT -7
And as my husband sleepily pointed out last night "one of them has one kid who just got kicked out of a baptist university for being everything that's wrong with america... And the other one only has two kids and we both know how our nephews behaves when his parents turn their backs. And you get to do this mama shit x5 with no help because I'm always at work.... Their room looks like that all the fucking time whether I'm home or not. I put the hammer on all three of them last time they did it and guess what... Three weeks later. If beating kids was the only way to raise children B would have been a much better child. We are lucky we caught on we were doing it wrong and he's turning into a good young man.
Cut yourself a damn break and go to bed baby"
So I prayed on it and woke up feeling better. They are personable. Funny. And well mannered. At least the vast majority of the Time. We will figure the room out.
|
|
|
|
Post by smokinghorse on Nov 10, 2015 14:00:40 GMT -7
Um, shyea you will. The inlaws? Honey, that shit will more than work itself out with time. When theirs are either in the penitentiary or asking mom and dad to cosign so they can get that single wide, and yours are gainfully employed, law-abiding, well adjusted members of society? That's the day you pick up the phone, tell that sister-in-law you're sorry the parole hearing didn't go well, and tell her that no matter how disrespectful they are to their fellow citizens, spouses, and law enforcement, it must be truly comforting that they always respected their mama. And, I also wish for you that you get lucky enough to be blessed by the beautiful, icing on the cake moment when you're all sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table, and one of yours asks one of theirs to pass the gravy, exposing a tattoo, which your angel glances at and says, "That's not spelled correctly". Just wait.  |
|
|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 10, 2015 14:49:50 GMT -7
Haha haha his parents are dumb as a box of rocks too so that's entirely possible hahaha I needed that hahaha
|
|
|
|
Post by smokinghorse on Nov 10, 2015 18:12:46 GMT -7
Perhaps a future gift?  |
|
|
|
Post by nomorewirehanger on Nov 10, 2015 19:47:58 GMT -7
Omfg LMAO!!!!
|
|
