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Post by ghostdog on Oct 27, 2015 8:50:26 GMT -7
June 2008. That's how long ago it was when I first joined the original BPE forum....
THEN
50 years old
Half a bottle of whiskey drunk 2 or 3 times a week
Wondering when, not if my marriage would end
Sitting on my hands at work, hours of free time every day (anybody remember "Animal of the Day"?)
3 kids at home
Undiagnosed Hepatitis C
Traveled in Sept 2009 to LA, had coffee with the original beeps
Cranky
NOW
58 years old (holy fucking fuck)
Haven't touched a sip of liquor in 6 and a half years
Celebrated 28 years of marriage in April, making lots of plans for the future
Busy at work all the time (hence will be playing here less often, but I still love you)
1 kid at home, working on his "launch" strategy
Cleared of Hepatitis by May 2010, stayed clear
Traveled in 2014 and 2015 to Italy, had coffee and pastries with my wife
Still Cranky
Quite frankly, my life was a MESS back then and I came to adore and count on the friends I had on the BPE as some kind of validation that I wasn't a TOTAL fuck up. Times are so different now. I remain thankful for the friendship you showed me then, and the kindnesses over Facebook from Kissy and the Noods (your cartoon names?) over those years.
So, what's everybody else been up to for the past 7.5 years? Catch your kids masturbating yet? How embarrassing was that?
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Post by smokinghorse on Oct 27, 2015 12:25:28 GMT -7
I'm not gonna follow THAT! But what an amazing story, G-dog. I didn't realize all that. You kick ass. 7 1/2 years may sound like a long time, but to make that kind of turn around, it's impressive. Well done, sir, and thanks for sharing. AND NOW I'M NOT THE OLDEST. WOO HOO! Kids, say hi to your new Gramps...  |
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Post by ronin on Oct 27, 2015 13:05:27 GMT -7
Agreed! That is hard to follow.  7 1/2 years has not changed me much. The people around me, sure, and it's taken its toll, but I'm still doing the 'work stupid hours, then come home to collapse into an exhausted heap' thing. I'd like to say that works for me, but I hate my fucking job so much.  WeeMan was diagnosed with autism 3 years ago, but that didn't really phase us. He's a frickin' fantastic little guy and doing so well because of his therapies. He initiates play with other kids. He verbally requests things that he needs in full, understandable sentences. He can actually sit still in a chair for more than five minutes. (most of the time  ) It's been a lot of hard work to get him here from the little boy who wouldn't talk at all (unless he was quoting Dora the Explorer) and treated other kids like furniture. My youngest sister died two years ago. She was using heroin and got an infection from a dirty needle. The infection shut down her heart and she was gone in a matter of days. My mom and remaining sisters didn't bother to let me know anything was wrong until she'd already passed. I wasn't invited to the memorial, but I was asked to help fund it. I've completely cut them out of my life now. (Things were not good anyway, and if that's not a clear 'final straw,' I'm not interested in finding out what is.) I was close to my little sister, prior to the drugs, and her death devastated me. She was the Arya Stark to my Jon Snow. A year later, a cousin also passed away from drug related issues. He was just a couple of years older than my sister. My in-law problems have gotten scary enough that we've had to install security doors and bar our windows. Good times! And, yes, more drugs. I have to get back to work, though, so that's my super-half-assed recap. |
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kissy
OG
I want a new drug...
Posts: 855 
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Post by kissy on Oct 27, 2015 17:02:58 GMT -7
Duuuuuudes! Wow. All I have to say right now is all this sharing is making my heart swell simply because essential strangers are willing to share deep things and I think it's wonderful. Big hugs to everyone, people I've never met IRL but I somehow feel I am connected to. Love you all!
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Post by History on Oct 27, 2015 18:12:33 GMT -7
Same to what Kissy said. You guys helped me get through some extremely tough spots. It's hard to believe I am where I am now.
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Post by ronin on Oct 27, 2015 18:47:34 GMT -7
Same guys. You all have no idea how much I heart you all.
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Post by ghostdog on Oct 28, 2015 14:08:05 GMT -7
My goodness Ronin, you have had your share of sadness and setbacks these few years. Congratulations on plowing forward. I have seen FB pics of your adorable kids, and your goofball husband. He looks a LOT like Kevin Smith (and that is a compliment!) and very much like someone I would like to smoke weed with and complain about the government (also a compliment!). I hope he is marching along side you these days and knowing who his real friends are in the inlaws wars. People can be such dicks eh? I am so sorry that you lost your sister. There are worse things than damaged souls being addicted to heroin. Like people being judgey dicks about it. We have a recovering crystal meth addict's entire worldly possessions cluttering up our basement and shed right now. He's had his challenges, but is attempting to recover. The LAST thing he needs is for the boring old man with the boring job and the boring life to get all judgey about his crap in my basement. I mean, he is my friend. SHE WAS YOUR SISTER!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?? Anyway, I always knew you were awesome, and I still do. PS - I hate my job too, but damn, that 5 figure pay check sure keeps the cell phone company off my ass eh?
Kissy - well you know more about me than pretty much anyone, including my IRL friends, so we'll just agree to keep all that quiet. OK? ok.
Smokinghorse and History - please jog my old man memory. I am having a wee bit of trouble recalling the BPE days.
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kissy
OG
I want a new drug...
Posts: 855
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Post by kissy on Oct 29, 2015 6:58:03 GMT -7
 I'm learning a lot about myself and about what's important and it might be because of the changes that are happening in my life and it might be because I'm just getting older. I dunno, but I just want simple and it's less about changing/making things a certain but more about how my mind processes the every day. I dunno if that makes any sense. |
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Post by smokinghorse on Oct 29, 2015 7:38:44 GMT -7
Makes sense to me, Kissy. Hitting 40 has been such a weird thing for me. On the one hand, I feel wiser - like my perpective has changed. I have more patience with people. I take myself much less seriously. My perspective shifts. I listen a lot more. I finally want to give more than I get, and I like myself better for that.
Then, there's a part of me that is flailing around, as always. Irritated that I'm still figuring things out. Looking around me at people my age who are solid, incredibly successful, full of accomplishments. And I think, it's about fucking time to do whatever it is I want to do, before it's too late.
What is it that I want to do? How will I define and/or measure success? By the frequency and quality of my naps?
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kissy
OG
I want a new drug...
Posts: 855
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Post by kissy on Oct 29, 2015 8:21:29 GMT -7
I could have written all of that myself Abby, seriously. I have days when I feel like it's too late to 'start', and then I'm like start what?? And most of my friends have jobs if not careers and I'm just a mom. It's frustrating.
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Post by ghostdog on Oct 29, 2015 9:32:41 GMT -7
40 is when I **started** to go crazy. "Middle Age Crazies" we call it in our circle. A bunch of divorces, some affairs, some really stupid financial decisions. Not that it may help one little bit at this point in your lives, but turning 50 is way easier than turning 40.
And seriously, we are all people with enough food on the table, healthy children and relatively peaceful lives. The whole "accomplishment" thing can make you even crazier. Honestly, the world would be a better place if more of us pursued reasonable levels of mediocrity and some quality naps. The fucking "pursuit of excellence" is making millions of perfectly adequate humans feel inadequate and endangering our planet.
What is the carbon footprint of a nap? Zero. It is the most environmentally friendly recreation activity on earth. I am not saying "give up." Pursue your passions, sure. But getting all crazy about it is counter productive at best.
Do nothing. Save the world. (My slacker's creed)
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kissy
OG
I want a new drug...
Posts: 855
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Post by kissy on Oct 29, 2015 9:55:06 GMT -7
"And seriously, we are all people with enough food on the table, healthy children and relatively peaceful lives. The whole "accomplishment" thing can make you even crazier. Honestly, the world would be a better place if more of us pursued reasonable levels of mediocrity and some quality naps. The fucking "pursuit of excellence" is making millions of perfectly adequate humans feel inadequate and endangering our planet."
All. Of. This. I love it.
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Post by smokinghorse on Oct 29, 2015 11:10:02 GMT -7
I dunno, Ghosty. I start getting nervous when people start telling me what I wanna hear.... That's exactly what I meant by how am I measuring success. God forbid I start using things like 'love' and 'laughs per day'.
You may be the first person who responded to that idea with a resounding, YES. Most people are dumbstruck when they ask me what I do and I say, "I have a beading business. I don't make a lot of money but I get to play all day". Then I have to clarify that I said "beading", because they heard, "beating". Awkward. But the bottom line is that I like the slacker life. And I have a complex about it.
It's a paradigm shift. I'm working on it.
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Post by ronin on Oct 29, 2015 20:07:23 GMT -7
Ghosty, I would love to do the non-pot smoking, non-political version of that bonding session you were describing. My one attempt at smoking pot led to hiding hives from my mom for 2 days. I don't know for sure it was the pot, but I couldn't be sure and haven't touched it since. (Worst Washingtonian ever, I'm surprised I wasn't immediately deported to Idaho.) My political views are lazy. When I vote it's for the person who seems least likely to screw me over, whatever that means to me in the moment. I hate Trump and am also not a fan of Hillary Clinton. It's mostly because they're assholes and not because I know much about their views.  That's funny about Kevin Smith. I'll have to tell him that. Before he lost weight, his coworkers used to tell him he looked like Fat Ron Jeremy. He owned it. Thankfully, he and I are firmly on the same side of the in-laws. Crazy, horrible families that we needed to escape are what drew B and me together to begin with. We worked hard to create a safe haven, and in-laws are working hard to shatter it. We're winning. You guys are amazing. Seriously. I'm also at a point where I don't think I'm on the right path. Hard work is just making me crazy and stupid. The only reason I stay at my shitty job is the awesome paycheck that I would get nowhere else. My recent talks with hubby about wanting to quit my job aren't going well, because I want to work part-time until I can get enough of my brain back to write. I used to be good. Good enough. ? Goodish? Anyway, he's treating me like I want to run off to a hippy commune. "Whadda ya mean you are okay with less money?" Well, we don't struggle, and usually spend money on useless crap that I end up throwing away. So maybe let's do less of that so I don't have to work myself stupid. I'm going to turn 40 in May. I got a cheesy idea earlier in the year to make a list of 40 things I want to change by the time I turn 40. I'm not sure I even made it to 10 before I stopped investing in it, because I don't know that I have the balls to change those things. All of it starts with quitting my job. Then learning how to work my fancy camera. Right now I take better pictures on my phone.  Then....something that involves wandering around in my pajamas, taking pictures of things and writing about whatever drivel is floating through my head. Yep, so just the exact opposite of my life right now.  |
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kissy
OG
I want a new drug...
Posts: 855
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Post by kissy on Oct 30, 2015 4:32:31 GMT -7
Omg, I want to learn how to use my fancy camera too!!
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) It's been a lot of hard work to get him here from the little boy who wouldn't talk at all (unless he was quoting Dora the Explorer) and treated other kids like furniture.
